Permanent Stain
by Serendipity Cullen
Summary: The dream of losing her haunts him. Yet he finds her again in a very unexpected place. Sawyer/Juliet. One-shot.


**A/N** : Credit for the lyrics go to the Backstreet Boys song _Permanent Stain _

**Permanent Stain**

_Out in the rain, looking for sunshine  
I call your name, but you're like a ghost  
I let you disappear, should've never let you go_

Sawyer, or James as _she_ called him, jarred awake in a cold sweat.

It was the dream.

The dream that had haunted him for weeks.

He could still see her. He could see those blue eyes filled with hopelessness. She knew long before he did what was going to happen. He fought it tooth and nail, but she knew.

_"I love you," she cried out to him. "I love you so much!"_

_"No!" he yelled back, gripping her hand tighter and pulling her up for good measure. "I'm not letting go! I've got you, you hear me?!"_

_"James," Juliet said his name simply._

_"Don't you let go!" Sawyer exclaimed, desperation filling his words. "Don't you leave me!"_

_It couldn't happen like this. It couldn't. He had finally found someone who loved him, despite his flaws. He loved her too...he loved her with every part of him. She was his, she was meant for him. Normally, he didn't believe in the soul-mate crap, but at this moment...the thought of losing her made a pain settle deep within his chest._

_Juliet felt the weight pulling her down. She knew it was over. Her time had come. "James," she spoke as calmly as possible, tears filling her eyes. "Tell me you love me."_

_"I'll tell you tonight!" Sawyer growled, pulling her as he watched Kate scramble over and try to help. "Try harder!" he barked when Kate admitted defeat._

_Juliet looked above him, watching as metal shifted and crunched. The whole thing was going to cave in...and it would take him in too. She couldn't bear the thought of a world existing without him._

_So she loosened her grip._

_"No!" Sawyer yelled desperately, tears springing to his eyes. "Don't give up! I've got you, okay?! Don't leave me, Juliet!"_

_A single tear rolled down her cheek as she felt her body get pulled further down. "Goodbye, James."_

_Sawyer tried as hard as he could, but he watched her lovely face move away from him and into the darkness. He yelled her name, lunging down the tunnel for her._

Sawyer squeezed his eyes shut, blocking out the memory. He felt the crushing pressure in his chest. He still couldn't believe she was gone. One minute she was here, in this bed with him, looking down at him and telling him how she loved him, and the next day...gone. Just like that. He smoothed his hands over the sheets, closing his eyes and imagining her laying there beside him again. Fresh tears sprang to his eyes and he wiped them away stubbornly.

_I want to say just for the record  
That you still got my heart and my soul  
And though we're worlds apart  
Yeah, I gotta let you know  
You are the piece I can't replace, oh  
You left a mark that won't erase, oh_

At least he had told her he loved her before she breathed her last breath. Despite Jack's warning, he had ripped through the rubble and found her.

Alive.

Barely.

Sawyer would never forget how light she felt in his arms. Her pulse had been so weak, her breathing ragged. But at least he held her as she died. He told her he loved her-promised he always would.

Juliet was the one thing he had done right.

* * *

**-2010-**

James Ford parked the police car in the designated spot and turned the engine off. He lingered a moment. He hated hospitals. Always had. His shrink blamed it on what happened to his folks. Lots of ambulances, police lights, and hospital personnel that night.

James' grip tightened on the steering wheel. He had to go inside. The rookie deserved a visit from him...despite the stupid move to chase the criminal on foot. Gunshot wound aside, James had his eye on Charlie-he had the potential to be a damn good addition to the force. He could still kick Charlie's ass though for getting shot in his first month of duty.

Shaking his head, James climbed from the car and shut the door quickly. He might as well get this over with. He politely nodded to two young women in their late twenties who were giving him the eye.

Too bad he wasn't interested.

Not only did he have more work than time, James just wasn't interested in the dating scene. He couldn't explain it, but every time he thought of asking a woman out...this sadness took him over. And whenever he saw a blonde...the feeling damn near took his breath away.

His shrink had him pegged as someone afraid of commitment.

Whatever.

You couldn't get more committed than to put your life on the line on a daily basis to keep others safe.

_No one else can teach me how to love again  
'Cause you left a permanent stain on my heart and I've been feeling it  
Never mind what people say 'cause they don't understand  
How you left a permanent stain on my heart, you're never leaving it_

"I shouldn't even be here visiting your stupid ass," James smirked minutes later as he leaned against the door frame of Charlie's hospital room.

"Officer Ford," Charlie whispered, his eyes widening. "Miles thought you'd at least let me get discharged before coming to reem me."

"I'm not going to reem ya," James replied as he crossed the room, dropping into the chair beside Charlie's bed. "Though you deserve it."

"I know," Charlie replied, hanging his head. "I just...I thought I had him."

James smirked to himself. He remembered back when he first joined the LAPD-he had the same spirit. And it took him three gunshot wounds before he realized he'd better listen to his superiors. "Don't let it happen again."

"It won't," Charlie assured him.

James settled back in the chair, looking over the rookie. "You need anything?"

Charlie hesitated. "The food here tastes like shit. There's a vending machine around the corner..."

James smirked and stood. "I'll be right back." He left the room just as Charlie's doctor came in with discharge instructions. Seemed he'd be able to give the rookie a ride home. Might just reem him anyway.

James chuckled to himself as he dug some quarters from his pocket. He found the vending machine easily, though the choices weren't that appealing.

"The food in the cafeteria isn't much better," a soft voice spoke behind him.

"That's what I've heard," James replied, looking over to the woman who had spoken to him. Lab coat. Doctor.

Blonde.

He felt the pain start in his chest. It knocked the wind out of him and he grunted as he put his hand to his chest.

"Are you alright?" the woman asked, her voice heightened with alarm.

"Yeah, I'm f-" The word caught in his throat as he looked into her blue eyes.

_Some tried to break through the walls that  
I built up, but they don't compare to you  
One chance, and I swear I'll never let you go  
You are the piece I can't replace, oh  
You left a mark that won't erase, oh_

"Are you alright?" the woman repeated, stepping closer to him. "It looks like you're having a heart attack." She turned, yelling over her shoulder for help.

James couldn't explain it, but he _knew_ this woman. He didn't know how he knew her, but...he knew her.

"Sir," the woman spoke, reaching out and putting her hand on his arm. "Please, sit down until someone gets here with a wheelchair."

The crushing pain in his chest eased the moment she touched him. James looked to her hand on his arm, then to her face. She felt it too. Her brow furrowed as her blue eyes filled with questions. "I...know...you..." he spoke unsurely, searching her face.

Images started flashing in his mind like a pictures from a camera. He saw himself with this woman.

They walked in a green area, like a forest or a jungle, and spoke casually, like they'd been friends their whole lives.

He came home one night to see her cooking dinner.

He brought her a flower.

She kissed him.

She said she loved him.

They made love.

She was pregnant.

He was...holding her...she was falling...

He wrapped her in his arms, told her he loved her.

She kissed him and...died.

"James," Juliet spoke softly, watching as he pushed himself away from the wall.

"Juliet," James replied, his eyes moving over her. "You-you're here...you're..."

"Alive," she finished quietly, tears coming to her eyes.

James wrapped his arms around her, drawing her into his arms. "I told you I'd never leave you," he whispered into her hair.

_Never mind what people say 'cause they don't understand  
How you left a permanent stain on my heart, you're never leaving it_


End file.
